i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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