today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i need some magic done to my vagina
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
