That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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