So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
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You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
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She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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