my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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