Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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