He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
