Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
