he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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