1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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