I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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