Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
