Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
When did angry sex become our thing?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
