I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
