....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
