I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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