so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
