thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Randomize
