I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
