I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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