imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
