I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
