Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
