I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
