Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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