why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
