my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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