That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
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I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
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Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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