I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
