I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
