Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm like, not good at living.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
