We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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