I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
