When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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