I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
