I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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