Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
