Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
