Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
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Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
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You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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