that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
then he tried to convert me to islam
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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