Pappa wants mamma naked
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She needs sedatives and a leash
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
