you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
