The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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