I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
