hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
