I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
