I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
