Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
