I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
