So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
