My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
