'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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