No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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