i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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