This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
