Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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