I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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