so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
