please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
