last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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