No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
