well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
