turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
